Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Friday, September 4, 2009

As Seen on T.V.

Only a couple of brief things today, as we are getting ready to make the run to Home Depot and Costco before masses of tourists arrrive for the Labor Day weekend and we can't even get out the driveway.

On the news last night there was a disturbing story about a person who followed a family around a department store, repeatedly rubbing himself against the woman's six-year-old daughter. The woman was shopping for shoes at one point, not even six feet from her child, when the man moved between the two and rubbed against the child. To the casual glance it might have just appeared to be someone maneuvering in a crowded shoe department. On the security video it was clearly a lot more. And apparently he had been in the store for some time doing the same sort of thing. His boldness infuriated and frightened me. I also remembered times I had been a bit more than arm's length away from my kids thinking they were perfectly safe because I could see them.

We watched the college football opener, Oregon against Boise State. Being OSU Beaver fans it was more for the fact that football was on than anything. At the end of the game one of the Oregon players punched a Boise player in the face. It was so unsportsmanlike, and now it's all over the news and online message boards. Why it happened, excuses being made for the puncher and the punchee, what action should be taken, and all I can think every time I see the footage (which is about every five minutes on this morning's news...) is two kids in the schoolyard jawing at each other.

"If you don't shut your mouth I'll shut it for you!"
"YEAH! *kapow*"

Except these little big boys have forgotten this is, after all, still just a game.

And finally the new Jack in the Box commercial, which is advertising an instant-win kind of game. It's called something like the Big Rip-Off, and the ad shows Jack walking down the street and people are ripping off their clothes and throwing them at him. Made me laugh my ass off last night. After that news story, I needed it....

Happy Labor Day!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

RTT: ABC, 123, PB&J...


Hey, hey, hey! As you can see from my alphabet soup, it must be the first day of school at the Monkey House. And as first days go, it started off pretty well. No whining about getting up early, no fussing about what was for breakfast, no nagging about getting ready on time. And the kids didn't do too bad either...

So now I'll hit you with some pearls of random wisdom, or at least some nuggets of random smart-assery, and go enjoy my day of FREEDOM!!

Pony Girl is supposed to be in charge of scooping horse poop during the summer, unless she is on a trip with her grandparents or sick, etc. She prefers to have her dad or I do it, or let it lie in the pasture as natural fertilizer. I went out one day last week when she had blown off her chore (again) and scooped up, and charged her ten cents a pile. That didn't bother her nearly as much as when she found out I had sub-contracted the wheelbarrow pushing part of the job to Jones and she would have to pay him a cool fifty cents.

Our fifteenth anniversary is coming up this month and we are going on a little trip. Where? No idea. S.P. has planned it, arranged it and is keeping it a secret. Which in this town means telling NO ONE until we get back. If he tells even one person I'd know about it within a week. It's driving his mom wiggy because she always likes to know all the details. He did tell me the mystery destination was within four hours of our house and there is a hot tub. All I have to do is pack and be ready to go. Sounds good to me!

My son thinks I'm Super Mom because I helped him create a new Lego bad guy out of some old mini-figure parts and a black sharpie. The new bad guy has an eye patch, a scar, and "wicked" zippers on his uniform. Had I known what my boy would value I would have majored in Legos instead of education...

While out shopping with the kids last week I saw a fabulous nightie for the abovementioned trip. Since there was a big sale it seemed like the perfect time to grab one, but of course I would have to try it on. Note to self: DO NOT attempt to try on nighties with children along! Jones wanted me to get the brown one because it was more sexier. Pony Girl said the black one definitely showed more boobs and would I save it for her to wear for her husband someday? OH GOOD GOLLY....the only thing more embarrassing than being IN the dressing room with them was coming out and seeing a man S.P. and I know waiting there for his wife. Having been LISTENING to the whole conversation while he was waiting. At least he didn't ask me if I was going to get the black one or the brown one.

At Keely's I saw a video for an, ahem, massager, that was modeled after a Twilight vampire. It made me think of an ad I had seen once for a kit where you can make a...massager that looks just like your favorite man's junk. When I had first seen the ad a year or so ago, my idea was to give the kit to S.P. as a romantic anniversary gift. But then, would that really be a gift for HIM or more of a gift for ME? Hmmm...

Well, somehow a post that started out relatively clean has wandered into smut again. Better go before the randomness gets raunchy....