Tuesday, November 17, 2009

RTT: Poop, Pot, and Procreation


Some days I'm witty, some days just good looking. This may or may not be one of those days. The wind is blowing about 100 miles an hour and it's raining for the ninth day in a row. I feel like Mrs. Friggin' Noah but there's no room in the ark for my massive frizzy afro.

Every time I get up to go scoop horse poop it rains harder. I figure if I just wait long enough it'll all get pounded down into the dirt, or dissolve into the dozens of puddles forming in the pasture. Either way, I win.

There are so many pairs of tall black boots piled by the door it looks like we're hosting a dominatrix convention. And yes, there's even a whip in my coat pocket. We're boarding a new horse that doesn't understand the concept of "respect the people's space".

We have a new kitten in the house, cute little thing called Alfred. Kids love him, Lilly loves him, even S.P. (normally not a cat person) loves him. There's even a note on his cage that says "Everybody Loves ALFRED!" If he is so well-loved by everyone, why am I the only one basking in the pleasure of cleaning his blessed LITTER BOX? In the RAIN, no less!? (Side note: ever tried cleaning a litter box full of clumping litter in a downpour? See "futility" in the dictionary...)

The kids brought home conference notes a few weeks ago, and their teachers like to get the slips returned quickly to see who needs to be rescheduled. Some offer incentives like free time or treats. The new policy this year is not to reward kids with candy due to the obesity problem. Jones brought his slip home and after signing it I asked if he would get a prize for returning it the next day. "Yes, I think it's something (whisper) illegal." I just had to tell the teacher about that, and she confessed that she was rewarding them with a piece of her leftover trick-or-treat candy. I said "heck, I was hoping for a baggie of weed, at least!"

My friend e-mailed me asking for the name of the birds-and-bees book we used to tell the kids about the facts of life when they were first old enough to introduce the subject. I couldn't remember the exact name of the book so went to the library catalog to do a search. At the end of the long list of titles was the alliterative masterpiece "Where Willy Went". I thought somebody must be putting me on but sure enough there is a book by that name that explains reproduction to youngsters. Don't know if I'll recommend that one to my friend but it might be good for a laugh around here!

Well, I just heard someone say "Hey! What 's with that bright light!" and that means there's a sun break. I should just be able to get on my fabulous boots, pull out the wheelbarrow and get into the middle of the pasture before the rain starts again. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to scoop I go..


  1. your first line was classic.


  2. Where Willy Went - nice. I have to tell my eighteen year old son that one. No, maybe not - he'll be following me around repeating it for the next six months.