Thursday, February 5, 2009

Things I've Heard Since Last Thursday

Wow, a whole week since I've been here to write. Well, not exactly. I've been here and looked at a blank screen with no inspiration. There was a fleeting moment on Tuesday, when I thought of throwing out some random crap in the spirit of "Totally Random Tuesday". But I couldn't get it together. And it was really bad yesterday when I couldn't even pull out a picture for Wordless Wednesday. Just a lot going on, and none of it seemed worthy to put up here for public consumption.

But today I thought over the week, and realized that other people have said some things that might just be worthy. Things that made me smile, or laugh, or think, or even get pretty mad. So here it is.

"I know farts, and that was a dog food fart. Did you get up in the night and have a snack? Woof woof." (husband accusing me of farting in the bed)

"There she is, she is my best friend!" (one of Jones' friends, on seeing me come into the cub scout meeting. He has special needs and I often give him extra help in the classroom.)

"We will now have the flag salute. Those in scout apparel may leave on their hats. All others remove non-scout apparel." (At the Cub Scout Pinewood Derby, the scoutmaster meant to say all those in non-scout apparel should remove their HATS. I had heard of flashing at Mardi Gras, but never at a Cub Scout function.)

"I don't like the way he sasses her. I wish he would lose his voice for a few weeks." (Jones, describing the behavior of a classmate who is disrespectful to his beloved first-grade teacher.)

"Why do you need to SEE me in the BATHROOM?!?" (In the developmental preschool restroom there is a dutch door and we like the kids to shut just the bottom so we can keep an eye on them. When one shut both doors we told him we needed to be able to see him in there.)

"The markers are over there in that cabinet, behind the boxes with the vibrators." (Again at the preschool. We use massagers of non-phallic shapes to provide sensory stimulation for some of the kids. Which I did not know about until yesterday and my friends on staff thought I did know.)

"Honey, I need you to help me. Come in here and grab my hose." (Hmm, not as good as it sounded. We had to drain the hot water tank.)

"Hey Mom, my jeans are getting too small! No, just in the hips and the bum." (Hey, wait. I'm not ready for hips and bum yet, missy! And is that a zit on your cheek?)

And finally..
"Grandpa thought it was ridiculous that I was still riding with training wheels on. He said someone my age didn't need them anymore." (Good thing my kids don't have their own blog, or I would be nominated for "longest string of cuss words I shouldn't probably have said in front of my children", along with "rudest remark ever made about an in-law". At least I refrained from using the "big one".)

Maybe tomorrow I'll be inspired and the regularly scheduled feature will return. Till then, be careful what you say. Never know who's listening...


  1. Uh, oh... the hips and bum are just the beginning. Soon, the attitude will be growing. :)

  2. Was it a dog food fart? I'm just wondering.

    That's so cute how Jones is sticking up for his teacher.

    Vibrators? At school?

  3. Yes, Suz, soon enough I will be joining you in the happy sea of teenage girl hormonal bliss. Pre-puberty is proving to be entertaining in itself, with brief flashes of pissy-ness. Before long I'll be reaching for the vodka like martini mom.

  4. Hey, Casey! Good to see ya. It may well have been a dog food fart though I was not the one with kibble breath. I heard the clickity-click of toenails as the alarm went off and think the dog may have been sleeping by my side of the bed.

    And yes, vibrators are o.k. at school as long as they are called "sensory therapy tools". But I bet if the principal caught me with one during planning time there'd be some 'splainin to do!

  5. Hopefully, "Daddy" has his shotgun ready and is already walking the front porch!!! It's only just begun! ;-)

  6. Hi, bfs! I'm glad you came by! Daddy(aka "Super Plinker") has his shotgun and a theme song all ready. "Cleaning This Gun" by Rodney you know that one?